All That Matters
by OokamiHybrid
Summary: A Seth fic for a VDay Challenge. Angsty fic.


_He was only four years old, but he had to say she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen, besides his mother - because everyone knows that Sue Clearwater was the prettiest momma on the rez, on the earth, and on their galaxy. Or was it in their galaxy? Seth could never remember if it was on or in, but right now he didn't care, because this girl was pretty and she was giving him a smile, which she never gave anyone, and little Seth thought that perhaps he loved her._

_His family was one for holidays, and Valentine's was no exception. Dad always got momma and meanie Leah chocolates, and always a stuffed toy (Leah had a collection of them hidden in her closet, where Emily wouldn't find him, because Leah knew Emily would make fun of her for it.) Momma got him chocolates and almost always something Spiderman, and Seth had a collection of them; although his weren't hidden in his closet, because Seth was a big boy and he didn't care if Emily or even the bigger boys down the street made fun of him. He loved Spiderman._

_With thoughts of Spiderman and overstuffed toy bears in his head, Seth pattered across his kindergarten classroom, to the prettiest girl he had ever seen, besides his momma. Okay, and maybe Leah too, but he'd never tell her she was pretty. _

_"Hi Stacie." Four year old Seth smiled sweetly and held out a - Spiderman themed, of course - Valentine's card, with a Hershey's kiss taped to it. "I wanted to give you this myself, not just put it in your box." A little finger tapped at the box on her desk, and chocolate eyes watched her expectantly._

_Little Stacie - who was five, a whole year older than Seth, which made him totally hardcore - smiled and took the card, thanking him kindly for his gift. The next day Seth saw Stacie kiss a boy in the __**senior kindergarten**__ class._

_Valentine's day was over, and Seth had a broken heart. He was cuddly by nature, although only with his momma, but that day after he class he scampered home and crawled into his dad's lap._

_Harry Clearwater held his son that night, explained that sometime's girls made mistakes, that life worked in mysterious ways. He told his son that he loved him, Sue loved him, Leah loved him, and that's all that mattered. That Seth was still just a boy, and love would come and go until he found the one._

Seth sat on a fallen tree at first beach, hands stroking the worn bark. His mind wandered to a time when a still human Bella sat there with Jake, to a time when Jake first found love.

Leah and Sam had had their first kiss there too, if he remembered. And later than that, Sam told Emily he loved her, sitting on this very log.

Quil and Claire played there frequently.

Seth really missed his dad.

_It was years later, and Seth hadn't felt love since. He knew he sounded like a moron, thinking a four year old could have their heart broken, but he really had liked Stacie. That wasn't to say that he didn't still flirt and woo. It was the opposite. Most of the girls in his grade wrote his name in their notebooks, and nine year old Seth thought that was pretty cool._

_It was Valentine's day again, and as he popped a chocolate heart into his mouth - he still refused to eat Hershey's kisses, even after five years - he read through all the cards on his desk. A smile slid it's way onto his face and he read declarations of love, of like, and even some pretty cool friendship ones from some of the dudes in his class._

_Yeah, Seth was pretty cool. He chortled in the back of his throat as the bell rang, and the class began filing out for lunch. The majority of the girls in his class were watching him as he walked, but he didn't pick a single one to be his Valentine._

_That Valentine's day, at lunch, a boy in his grade named Toby gave him a black eye and a fat lip. The girl Toby liked had given Seth a Valentine, and that just wasn't cool. _

_Nine year old Seth went home that day after class, bypassing his mother in favor of his father. He didn't crawl into the mans lap, but he settled at his side as they watched the fire. _

_Harry Clearwater explained that sometimes love hurt, and people lashed out in reaction to love, tried desperately to hold onto what they didn't really have. Seth thought that that sort of sucked._

Seth still thought it sucked, and he thought that maybe his dad should have had that talk with Jake, because man, that would have come in handy before the Bella storm hit. He huffed, rubbing a strong hand over his short hair as he stared out at the water.

It was the first Valentine's day without his father, and he found himself at a loss. What if something else happened? He couldn't go to his mom. Valentine's day talks were...they were his dad's thing. He closed his eyes and pushed himself off the log, heading off at an easy walk.

There was a pleasant smile on his face as he passed the beach kids, mostly folks from Forks. He found it kind of funny, that the humans from La Push and Forks travelled across the border so frequently, never finding anything out of place.

No one noticed when he slipped into the woods, breaking from a walk to a dead run. He would have been faster phased, but then his brothers and sister would know what he was thinking, and maybe Seth didn't want that right now.

Maybe Seth just wanted to be sad, instead of happy.

Maybe Seth just wanted a bit of time to actually miss his dad, because the time he spent by himself physically was time spent together mentally, and there was never a moment's rest and yeah. Yeah. Seth was tired, and he was tired of being tired, and a little - okay, no, a big part of him - wanted to curl up and cry like a little boy because _fuck it all._

Wolves didn't cry, boys cried wolf, and somehow Seth didn't cry as he ran to a dinky little convenient store somewhere along the highway.

_It was just before his dad died, and Seth had had a shit day. He and Stacie had been making eyes at each other for the past few weeks, so when Valentine's day rolled around, of course he was going to give her a cheesie Spiderman card._

_She didn't seem to get the joke as she shyly accepted it and the Hershy kiss. Stacie didn't know that the Hershey kiss was the very first one he'd even touched since that day nearly a decade ago. Seth thought that that was a long time to know someone, and an even longer time to love them._

_Stacie thought that Spiderman and Seth were silly, and she told him so as she kissed him. Seth thought that maybe his heart was stuck in his throat, because he was having a hard time breathing, and really...this was hardly a kiss, but it was the best kiss he'd ever had and he maybe wanted more._

_Stacie told Seth that there wouldn't be anymore kisses, because Stacie was moving. Away from La Push, away from Seth, away, away, away. _

_Seth went home from school early that day, after nearly putting his fist through a locker. He hadn't even been overly large back then, but apparently Clearwaters were strong like that. He didn't say anything as he flopped at his dads feet, sprawled out like a dog on the porch._

_Harry was silent for a long while, shooing Sue away when she tried to question their son. He waited until the sun began to set, until Seth decided he wanted to talk._

_He told Harry about Stacie, about Hershey's kisses, about moving and how much it hurt, and did it always hurt?_

_Harry told Seth that love hurt frequently, but that when it didn't hurt it was the most amazing feeling ever. He told Seth that people moved away, they grew apart, and that even if Seth didn't feel like he'd ever really love another girl, it would happen one day. _

_When they stopped talking about love, Harry started talking about legends, and Seth was soothed by the lulling timbre of his fathers voice._

Seth was on his way home, finally. He was still running, but he was doing it at a slower pace this time. There was no need to rush, no one was going anywhere.

He stopped first at his fathers graved, sat a rose - white - upon it, before continuing on, slower still.

The youngest Clearwater arrived at home when the sun was nearly set. He stopped in the walk way, smiled sadly at the porch where he had sat with his dad, talking about love and wolves, unknowingly being told of what was to come.

With a shake of his head Seth moved inside, creeping past his cooking mother and into his sisters empty room. He set an overstuffed pink teddy bear on her pillow and beside it, a large bag of chocolates. Leah loved her chocolate.

Content with his placement, he headed back down the stairs, pausing in the kitchen doorway. "Mom?"

"Seth?" Sue answered, turning from the stove to smile at her son. Her eyes widened when he walked forwards, holding out a small but beautiful bouquet of flowers. Taped to the side was a small bag of chocolates, which he knew him and Leah would end up eating.

Sue dropped the spatula back onto the counter to hug her boy, biting the inside of the cheek when he murmured that he loved her. She watched him walk away, back up the stairs, and she put the flowers in an old vase, the very first one she had ever put any of Harry's flower in.

And maybe...okay, maybe wolves didn't cry, boys cried wolf. But when Seth went into his bedroom and saw the Spiderman plush on his bed, he burst into tears and crawled under his blankets.

Not even an hour later Leah joined him, flopping on the bed beside him, her new pink teddy and the brown one mom had got her cuddled up to her chest. "Don't open your eyes." She murmured. "I so don't want Jake seeing this."

Seth sobbed a laugh into his pillow, and as he heard his mom unwrap one of the Hershey kisses downstairs, he finally realized that he never loved Stacie.

He loved his family, and they loved him. It was all that mattered.


End file.
